Searching for the Succulent

Searching for the Succulent

 

 

We dress her up.  We pin her up.  We touch her up.

We expect a poster, a magazine spread. 
We expect a woman not to age.  Not to change.

Where did we go wrong?  What happened? 
Where did we lose our perspective? 
When did we start teaching women that they were not good enough? 
That they had to change in order to be noticed. 

When did we start teaching women that they had to be noticed in order to have worth?

A resent study reported a significant increase in breast augmentation for 'women' age 13-19.  When I read this study my heart dropped.  What are we teaching our young? 

 

And when, as women, did we come to believe we had to change the female form in order to accept the female form?  In order to be beautiful.  Perfect.  Put together.  Confident? 

Why do we have to hold it all together in such a way that we are compared to the air brushed pictures we have come to emulate?  What happened to the succulent, wild woman that let her hair down?  That danced barefoot in the rain? 

We cover ourselves up with makeup.  We unground ourselves with heels.  We tummy tuck, get breast implants, botox, liposuction.  We wrap ourselves up in plastic.  We bake ourselves in tanning beds. 

We do all of this in order to present, and ultimately, to accept ourselves as beautiful. 

I understand we live in a culture where certain things are expected.  Taking care of ourselves out of self love is imperative.  Dressing up and presenting ourselves with confidence and beauty is an expression of self respect. 

 

Being a woman is about striking a balance between our soul-self and our expression of that self.  As a woman we have to pick and choose what represents who we really are.  What represents and reflects our Spirit and stay true to that. 

 

And the only way to do that is to know our Self. 

Not who culture tells us to be.  But who we really Are.  On the inside 

Sadly, our culture and, it seems, our belief systems about ourselves ask us to represent and reflect who we think we SHOULD be.  Expressed in our form.  Which, as culture would lead us to believe, defines our Essence, Spirit, Worth. 

Actually, we are created in such a way that our spirit and our body thrive on living honorably and being authentic.  I am sorry to say, our culture has long forgotten that. 

Our women need to ground.  We need to see more of the sacredness of women.  The real, raw, unapologetically authentic woman.  A beautiful mess of emotion and passion and heart.  A woman who grounds herself into Mother Earth.  A woman who considers and connects to her Spirit.  Her purpose.  The reason for her life on the planet.  A woman who is in touch with herself and gets a bigger picture of Life and Spirit and Sacredness.  A woman who is comfortable in her skin, in the temple that was created for her.  A woman that takes care of her form in a loving and honorable way. 

A woman who understands that it’s not about what heels you wear.  It’s about how you fill your shoes.  It’s about how you stand.  How you treat people.  How you treat yourself. 

_______________________________________________________

 

I want the wild.  I want the heart. 

I want her hair down and her heels off. 

 

I want the succulent, wild woman. Created in God’s perfect image. 

Just the way you are. 

Then What?? Understanding My Birth Control Options

Unfortunately, not all health practitioners present birth control measures objectively.  According to Dr Christine Northrup, MD, during her experience “in medical school and residency, there was a tendency to push oral contraceptives as the optimal method of birth control and to downplay the reliability of the diaphragm and condoms... The pill is easy to prescribe, easy to take, very reliable, and very convenient.  We can use it to manipulate our menstrual cycles, avoiding periods all together or on weekends.  In short, it fits our cultural ideal.”  

To simplify the discussion of various forms of birth control, let's divide methods in two camps: Hormonal and Non-Hormonal Contraceptive options.   

There are a number of Hormonal Contraceptives.  They can be injected (‘The Shot’), implanted (IUS and ‘The Ring’), applied to the skin (‘The Patch’), or taken orally (‘The Pill’).  These methods contain progesterone and or estrogen in order prevent ovulation and limit the fertility phase of the menstrual cycle, or eliminate the cycle all together.  

Menstrual suppression, via Birth Control, for an entire month, or year(s), seems extreme when the window of fertility is a matter of a few days.  However, birth control is easy to take and places 100% control of a woman’s fertility in her own hands - requiring nothing of her partner.  

If a woman chooses that Birth Control is the best option for her, an oral contraceptive is the best way to go (in my opinion).  Eliminating the cycle for a year or longer is devastating to the endocrine system and physiology of the body.   Monthly suppression is the better choice, in this case.  Though she is not truly cycling - her body does get a reprieve from the suppression every three weeks.  Be mindful not to place metal in the body.  Be mindful not to stay on birth control long term.   Be mindful to choose this option only if you are actually sexually active.  

The next logical question would be, if not The Pill (or any other hormonal method), then what?  How do I prevent pregnancy?  What are my other Non-Hormonal options?

There is one other common contraceptive method that is non-hormonal but is not natural.  The IUD is a copper intrauterine device that is inserted into the uterus.  It is a long acting (5 year) contraceptive that changes the environment of the uterine lining and prevents the sperms ability get through the cervical mucous and to fertilize the egg.  In my clinical practice, there seems to be a correlation between IUDs and an increased risk of acidity in the female as well as a significant need to detoxify the body in order to increase fertility.  Women with IUDs do have an increased risk of infection and are associated with an increased risk of tubal pregnancies.  Just as I mentioned above, be mindful not to place metal in the body.        

There are a number of options for natural pregnancy prevention that does not include traditional birth control.  These options require more education about the body and more active participation than the pill.  The level of responsibility and accountability increases depending on the method a person chooses.  

Current culture would assume that fertility and the responsibility for birth control measures lay solely in the hands of the female.  While it is imperative for a woman to come to know and take responsibility for her own body, birth control methods (in my opinion) should be a shared responsibility between partners.  

Charting a woman’s cycle in order to be informed about where a woman is in her fertility is always my first choice.  There are a number of charting methods for fertility awareness.  Natural Family Planning or the Creighton Model Ovulation Method are excellent choices.  Couples who use fertility awareness as their chosen form of birth control experience no side effects and often find increased intimacy in their relationships.  Three major studies regarding Fertility Awareness Methods showed effectiveness rates to avoid pregnancy between 95% and 97%.  

A woman who knows her body and her cycle reclaims her power and creative force.  Since there is a small period of time that a woman is fertile throughout a given month, barrier methods or abstinence can be utilized during this window. Condoms, Female Condoms, and Diaphragms would be the most effective if utilized properly during the fertility phase of a cycle.  

Condoms require the male partner to be cooperative and share responsibility of prevention.  They have a 98% effectiveness rate if used conscientiously.  Condoms can protect against STDs and help decrease the risk of cervical dysplasia.  

There are also female condoms that have a 95% effectiveness rate.  Much like condoms, they protect against STDs and require a one time use only.  Diaphragms with contraceptive cream or gel is another option during the fertility phase of a cycle.  Diaphragms will need to be fitted by a health professional and faithfully used at each intercourse.  They have a 96% effectiveness rate.  

Cervical caps are used as well.  The caps come in three sizes and are not fitted specifically for the individualized female.  Therefore, accurate fit is not always assured.  The effectiveness rate for a cap is 74% (compared to the 96% of a diaphragm). This effectiveness rate drops drastically in women who have already had children.  For these reasons, I recommend a diaphragm over a cap.  

These four methods of birth control (Fertility Awareness, condom, female condom, and diaphragm) help to maintain the normal, natural cycle of hormones without suppression or dis-regulation.  They require cooperation and mutual responsibility for a couples combined fertility.  

Below is a chart that diagrams the effectiveness of each choice.  It is important to distinguish between the failure of a birth control method itself and the failure of a woman or couple to use it properly. I prefer this chart because is shows both perfect use and typical use (accounting for user error). 

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/uploads/files/refContraceptiveComparativeChartFinalENG09.pdf

This post was intended to be a starting point for discussion regarding various birth control options outside of typical oral contraceptives for sexually active individuals.  

Women or teenagers who are not sexually active and are having hormone dis-regulation or severe periods should seek natural care to help balance their systems.  Birth Control is not the best option to reduce symptoms and balance their bodies.   

I Would

I hold space for many women.  Space to learn and discover who they are.  

I sit with them, knee to knee, and I draw out the female cycle.  I explain how it works.  Why it works.  Why it is important.  I speak with them about what they will feel in their bodies with each ovulation, with each period.  I encourage them to get to know themselves, to get to know their bodies.  

Why every women is not taught this is beyond me.  In all of our education, with all of our knowledge, why is this left unsaid?  ...But that discussion is for another day, another post.  

I was blessed with a boy to nurture and raise.  I am fully aware that one of my purposes for being his mother is to raise a man that respects, honors, and cherishes the natural order of the feminine.  

I do not have a daughter but if I did, I would:

I would let her dance in her innocence.  Dance and laugh and dance some more.  And I would smile as I watched the wind blow through her hair and carry her laugher into forever.  

I would do nothing but love her.  Love her deeply and unconditionally, so she finds comfort in love.  So she allows herself to love and be loved.  

Everyday, I would walk the ground with her.  Barefoot.  Let her absorb the energy of Mother Earth.  Let her give and release energy back to Earth Mother. 

I would show her how to be comfortable in her skin.  That I love my body.  I would teach her how to love her own.  

I would show her how to take care of herself, not out of vanity, but out of love for her Self.  I would show her the true essence of beauty.        

I would remind her that her body is a Temple.  Sacred.  That is should be honored.  

Before the tides change, I would speak with her about how she will step into her cycle.  How her body will change, grow, and develop.  We will talk about what it means to carry oneself with honor.  Not to give it all away.  Not to hide it in shame.  But to walk with confidence in who she is and who she is becoming.  

I would prepare her to bleed.  To welcome the transition into womanhood.  I would gather women, my sisters, so that we could speak of the sacredness of womanhood.  Share our stories.  Bleed together.  Be grateful for Mother Earth. 

I would encourage her to both Sun Bathe and Moon Bathe.  Take in Masculine.  Take in Feminine.  Be content and open under the Full Moon.  For just as the Moon pulls the tides of the oceans, I would acknowledge that it pulls the tides in myself.  In my daughter.  I would encourage her to be grateful and protective of her time to balance, renew, and restore.  

I would teacher her about the sacredness of her sexuality.  That sex is more than an act.  That there is a spiritual connection, an intimacy and vulnerability, a giving and receiving of energy.  

I would teach her to honor her body.  To honor her cycle.  To chart her cycle.  

I would teach her to stand in her femininity.  Her fertility.  To know herself.  And to know her Creative Power.  

PMS

PMS.

We all know of it.  We have all seen or experienced it.  Medical terminology defines it as a variety of physical, emotional and behavioral symptoms that are linked to a woman's menstrual cycle.  Typically starting 2 weeks prior to the start of a cycle and lasting 5-7 days after.  Symptoms include: 

Anxiety

Depression 

Mood Swings

Irritability or Anger

Food Cravings 

Headaches

Fatigue

Weight Gain

Fluid Retention

Abdominal Bloating

Cramping

Breast Tenderness

Acne Flare-ups

Constipation or Diarrhea

It is estimated that three out of every four menstruating women will experience some form of PMS.   Lucky us.  For three weeks out of EVERY month.  Lucky us. 

This is not the way life should go.  Women should be made to feel blissful, honored, powerful, beautiful.  Something along the lines of this:

Instead of feeling bloated, irate, depressed, dismissed.  Pretty much, like this:

Unfortunately, the "norms" of the female cycle have been accepted and expected as common place for a menstruating female.   Why wouldn’t it?  3 out of every 4 women experience them.  Of course they are our new normal.  

So, what do we do?  

< Insert Birth Control >  How wonderful for us that we can shut down the female cycle.  Prevent ovulation and suppresses those God-awful symptoms that create monsters out of maidens. 

Birth Control, while effective to prevent conception, is not the answer to aberrant or painful periods.  It is not the answer to regulate natural cycles.  It is not the answer to balance female hormones.  

The TRUTH?  (at least, my truth)

 A natural female cycle should ebb and flow with the cycles of the moon.  Naturally come, naturally go.  

No bloating.  

No irrationality.  

No acne.  

No PMS.  

None.   

In fact, all of those signs and symptoms attached with the female cycle really signify hormonal imbalance, pH imbalance, food or environmental allergens, bacteria or fungal overgrowth, or/and a chronic underlying infection.  Not typical of a cycle.  Not something we should expect.  Definitely not something we should ignore and/or shut down.

It isn't overly simple to balance the female cycle, but it isn’t rocket science either.  

It takes knowledge, discipline, attention, and time.  

We, as a socitey, have gotten too far away from our roots and the natural order of life.  Our cycles should literally follow the moon cycle.  Full moon.  New moon.  Ovulation.  Period.  Not some chart by some app on some I Phone.   

There is much to say on this topic.  We will get there.  For now,  pay attention to your bodies, women.  Pay close and loving attention.  You will be surprised by what it tells you.  

Aho.